On Funerals

The recent memorial service for President Jimmy Carter reminded me of the time in 2004 that our history and collectors’ club president, Roger, invited me at our annual banquet in Americus, Ga. to sit to President Carter’s left at the head table. I was excited at this possibility and thought ahead of time what I might say.

That evening our speaker was former White House drug czar, Dr. Peter Bourne, who published a biography of Carter in 1997. He sat to the president’s right and the two men conversed throughout the meal, mostly about the ongoing Iraq War. Our only discourse was when the president said to me, “Would you pass the salt?”

We’ve had a lot of chatter about body language at the Carter memorial service at the National Cathedral—who spoke to who and who didn’t speak to who, and the like. “The New York Post” even hired a lip-reader to decipher what Presidents Obama and Trump talked about.

I’ve been thinking about the nature of funerals I’ve overseen—some 350 at this point.

I was puzzled years ago after a member of our church died, and I sat with his only daughter to pray and plan a fitting tribute.

She said flatly, “No eulogy.”

The word, “eulogy,” is a compound Greek phrase meaning “good word.” We Baptists do this customarily. We share stories of good deeds and accomplishments and often funny things. This is what Ambassador Stu Eizenstat did at the Carter funeral when he suggested Carter was in heaven organizing a peace committee to make it a better place!

The daughter’s pastor was an Episcopalian rector, and he explained to me, “She’s thinking like an Episcopalian.” Nothing wrong with this, of course, since each denomination has its own funeral traditions. I did share a few stories of our friendship and his kindness. The rector assisted me and did readings and prayers.

It’s more common today in my experience that grieving families invite friends and relatives to share memories. It’s better, I think, to have these determined beforehand rather than the “does anybody have anything to share?” procedure. This often falls flat.

I really can’t remember any embarrassing things I’ve seen at funerals. A funeral director once told me about some pallbearers who were drunk, and one fell into the open grave while attempting to transport the casket. I can only imagine trying to have a serious committal after this!

One of the primary things we remember at a funeral is the contribution the person made to their church, community and family.

Everything else pales in comparison.

The old adage is yet correct: “Only one life, ‘twill soon be past. Only what’s done, for Christ, will last.” -30-

“Reflections” is a weekly faith column written by Michael J. Brooks, pastor of the Siluria Baptist Church, Alabaster, Alabama. The church’s website is siluriabaptist.com.