Always Another Side

I have no idea who this Robservation is for. Sometimes it is easy for me to decide what to write about. Many news stories always seem to reach out and grab me. And right now, there is no shortage of interesting stories. This Robservation, however, is going to be a little different. A couple of weeks ago, I was telling this story to my brother and something spoke to me and said I should share this as a Robservation.

You have always been told that there are two sides to a story. I often say that actually there are three: Yours, mine and the truth. The Bible often warns us against presenting your side of the story too quickly and also urges us to use discernment anytime we are confronted with information. Stories get embellished, half-truths are told, information is hidden and way too often, outright lies are told. Be careful what you listen to.

When I was flying, I flew with some very interesting men and women. Strangely enough, because of my company’s hiring practices, we generally got along with each other. Military, civilian, men, women. It really did not matter. Of course, out of the hundreds of people I flew with there were those (3 of them) that I would never fly with again under any circumstance but it was a great experience flying with such diverse people. Sitting in the cockpit with another person for hours and hours, generally 3-5 days at a time, you get to learn some interesting things about them.

For example, there was one captain, a wonderful man, who shared his cancer story with me and his absolute, 100% healing miracle. In the cockpit, we had guys with kids and grandkids as well as those still flying combat missions overseas. You name it. But some of the more difficult stories to hear were pilots who were going through divorce. It is a wonder after listening to some stories how they could function in the cockpit. Yet they did. Another testament to how my company hires pilots.

But there is one story I need to share. I have no idea of the pilot’s name since that has long been forgotten. But his story began as many that I heard. He and his wife got divorced. To say it was contentious is an understatement. But as it often happens, after the wife got custody of the three kids, one of her goals was to destroy her ex-husband in the eyes of children. This unfortunately happens every day. Both men and women can be guilty of this. All three of this pilot’s children were under the age of 5 when his divorce occurred so the mother had over a decade and a half to poison their minds against the father. She was successful.

Let’s fast forward about 20 years. At this point, the father wanted desperately to reach out to his children. He had heard through the grapevine that his oldest daughter was engaged to get married and he wanted to be a part of that moment. So, he got her email and sent her a letter. Unbeknownst to him, after she got the letter, she was at the house of her future in-laws and her fiancé. As his daughter related to him, she was bashing him quite badly in front of her future father-in-law. After a while, the man spoke up and told her that although he loved her, he did not want to hear anything more of this coming out of her mouth. He told her that for the last 20 years, she had heard nothing but bad things about her father from her. He told her that she needed to grow up and reach back out to her father and hear his side of the story. He got up and stormed out.

Hurt by her future father-in-law, she eventually relented and reached out to her father. He told her that the following week he had a layover in her city and asked if they could meet for dinner. She reluctantly agreed. When he showed up at the restaurant, he had a large package with him but he did not say anything about it. They sat down to an uncomfortable silence and it was clear the daughter did not want to be there. Although the conversation was strained, she finally, asked what was in the package. He told her to open it up and see. When she did, as I remember him telling me, it was some sort of Barbie’s Fun House. His daughter looked at it and asked what the he$@ that was for?

This is where the story turns on a dime. He told her that was her Christmas present the year he and her mother got divorced. “What?” He told her that every year for the past 20 years, every Christmas, every birthday, every Valentine’s Day, proms and other special event, he bought each of them a present. She refused to believe it. That is when she noticed the large binder he had with him. He opened it and showed her pictures. One picture was a room in his house, filled with hundreds of presents. He told her, those were the things he bought for the three of them through the years. She sat stunned. Speechless.

Then she spoke up. “But mom told us you didn’t care. You left us. You never even paid any child support.” He told her first of all that divorce was her choice. Then he opened up the binder and slide it over to her. Page after page of bank documents, receipts, and proof of electronic transfers. As she sifted through page after page, he told his daughter there was the proof that he never once missed a child support or alimony payment; no matter what she claimed. At close to eighteen years, we are talking hundreds of thousands of dollars. “But mom said. . .” He told her that if she did not have something she needed, it was not because he didn’t provide. What the mother did with the money was out of his control. (An issue for another day).

He told her his side of the 20-year story; from divorce up until that night. Yes, her life, along with the lives of her other sister and baby brother, was a lie. It was not just her father’s word but he had photographs, bank receipts and statements to verify his story. He told me they both cried a lot that night and when they left, she hugged him for the first time since she was five years old. Can you imagine how that must have felt for both of them? She went home and told her brother and sister what had happened. The sister was curious and wanted to meet him too. The three of them did one of those cool cross country train trips just getting to know each other. The son, at the time, quite the mama’s boy, still did not want to have anything to do with him.

In the end, the oldest daughter most certainly did get married. And guess who gave her away? Yes, the father. He was in the wedding. The mother? She was relegated to the last row in the church with absolutely nothing to do with the wedding and as far as I know, the daughter has nothing to do with her mother to this day. This Captain told me that his daughter did not even want her mother there but he insisted. Through it all, he felt it was the right thing to do.

In the beginning of this Robservation, I warned about three sides of the story. But a man like this pilot, doesn’t come unarmed to conversations like this. Pictures (lots of them) and other things verified his side of the story. The mother, because of her lies and deceit, at the time, lost two of the three kids she had. I have no idea what the brother thinks today.

So again, I have no idea who this is for. Someone reading this is going through something similar. All I can say is be honest, keep accurate records, do not try to destroy your ex-spouse to your children, hold to the truth and in the end, the truth will come out. This pilot played the “long game.” He could have huff and puffed and piss and moaned, but he didn’t. He knew that if he did his part in maintaining the truth, it would eventually come out. His wife, playing the short game may have won those short years with her children, but come time for grandchildren and other amazing events in their lives for the next 30 to 40 years or more, she will have lost. Do I feel sorry for her. Nope. Not in the least. She did everything she could to destroy the relationship between children and their father and in the end failed. He realized that he had to be his biggest advocate and wait for his day of judgment. Like him, you will be vindicated and that which you thought was lost forever will come back to you. Prayers for whoever needed this today.

THE VIEWS OF SUBMITTED EDITORIALS MAY NOT BE THE EXPRESS VIEWS OF THE ALABAMA GAZETTE.